


It's Not That I Adore You

by ohanotherday



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: M/M, Soul Bond, soul mates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-14
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-15 16:28:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1311505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohanotherday/pseuds/ohanotherday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raleigh had known the name of his soul mate since he was fifteen years old. However, that didn't change the fact that he'd never actually met him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from ["Telephone Wires" by Watercolor Paintings](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNhrN4Y68l8). I already liked this song before writing this fic, but I probably listened to it a hundred times between the time I wrote the first chapter (which was maybe a month ago) and now.

Raleigh had known the name of his soul mate since he was fifteen years old. However, that didn't change the fact that he'd never actually met him.

The name had appeared on a not so special day. When he told his girlfriend about the appearance of a soul mark, she begged to look at it. Her wrist was still bare at the time, and she traced her fingers over the name reverently.  _Charles_. It was a common name—he even knew a few Charles in his class—but they didn't break up. The presence of a tattoo didn’t mean anything. People got them all the time, and it didn’t mean they were going to find their soul mate in that exact moment. Some people spent their whole lives trying to find the person whose name and handwriting were tattooed on their wrist. In a couple of months, her wrist displayed the name _Adam_ , and while it still didn't change anything, the kaiju did.

His girlfriend moved away, his mom died, his sister got sent east to their grandparents, his dad abandoned them, and suddenly all Raleigh had left was Yancy and the name of his soul mate. 

While Raleigh had been a Jaeger pilot, he and Yancy kept their wrists covered and their true handwriting hidden. They had expected their fair share of groupies, but PPDC HR knew better. People wrote in every day, sending pictures and emails of their wrists, with duplications of the Becket brothers’ handwriting that had made its way to the general public via signed autographs. But Raleigh and Yancy were careful. They both signed things differently from their actual signature, and after awhile, Raleigh and Yancy stopped bothering with looking through their fan mail so attentively.

For Raleigh, if the person wasn’t named Charles or Charlie or whatever other nickname they might have, then Raleigh didn’t even bother with closely looking at the inked wrists in pictures. It hurt too much to see all the forgery.

Yancy was another story completely. Yancy's wrist stayed blank, and even when he died, he still didn't have a name there. He appreciated all the words of kindness and thanks people had to offer for fighting kaiju, but all the forged signatures left him feeling gutted. None of those people were his to call his own, and yet they all claimed it.

After the Naomi Solokov fiasco, Raleigh ended up squirming into bed with Yancy. With the drift, they didn’t need to say anything, but sometimes some things just needed to be said out loud. “I’m sorry,” they both said at the same time, laughing and then settling back down. Raleigh had someone to look forward to, someone who would match up just right to him, and Yancy was still left unpaired. It didn’t feel right knowing his brother didn’t have someone, and sometimes Raleigh wondered if Yancy’s lack of a soul mate was simply because nobody was able to measure up to him.

After leaving the PPDC, Raleigh didn't bother covering up his wrist. His sweaters and jackets usually covered the name, but he didn't care if people saw it. It was actually better if they did. Unless their names were Charles, he wasn't interested in them.

Some people used the knowledge against him, and sometimes Raleigh caved and gave in, going along with men named Charles who were willing to pretend to be his soul mate just for the night. It left Raleigh feeling dirty and wrong, knowing the people weren't  _his_ , but it helped numb the ache, letting them pull on his hair, kissing the name inked onto his skin, pretending everything was okay if just for a few minutes. Having a soul mark didn’t necessarily mean Raleigh would meet his soul mate, and with the presence of the kaiju, every day it felt less likely to happen.

\---

The first time Raleigh met Chuck, he didn't consider him as his possible soul mate. Chuck was loud and obnoxious, and Raleigh didn't for an instant think Chuck would willingly treat his soul mate like that. Raleigh ignored it and let it slide. Charles was a common name.

\---

Raleigh watched as Stacker and Mako said their goodbyes, wondering if Jazmine was doing well. He hadn't heard from her in months, but he thought of her and his soul mate and wondered if they would miss him if he ended up dying during the mission. Within hours of dying, his name would fade from his soul mate’s wrist and that would be that.

He heard someone cough to his left, and Raleigh turned his head. “Raleigh.”

Raleigh frowned and tilted his head. Chuck still hadn't gone to get suited up. “Yeah?”

Instead of replying, Chuck untied the cuff covering his wrist. When it was bare, he held his arm up for Raleigh to examine. “Is this yours?”

Raleigh used both his hands to keep Chuck's arm steady. Written on Chuck's wrist was  _Raleigh_ , a little scribbled and tiny, but there nevertheless. Raleigh rubbed a thumb over the words. “Yeah,” he breathed. He stuck out his own hand so Chuck could examine it, but Chuck shook his head.

“I already know it's my writing. I saw it when you first had dinner with us.”

Raleigh frowned, but as he lowered his arm, Chuck caught it and held on. “You could've mentioned it a little earlier,” Raleigh sighed.

“I could've,” Chuck nodded. “But I didn't.”

Raleigh smiled ruefully. “That's cold, Hansen. Telling someone they're your soul mate before going on a possible suicide mission.”

“Sorry.”

Raleigh nodded. They could've been doing something about this for at least a couple of days. The tips of Chuck's ears turned red as Raleigh traced his name.

Chuck seemed uncomfortable with the physical display of affection, and Raleigh paused. He hadn't expected some grand display of emotion when he met his soul mate, but he expected  _something—_ especially considering they might not be coming back.

Raleigh glanced at Mako. She was a great copilot, but it didn't mean they were safe from death. When he turned back to Chuck, he pressed his lips against the tattoo, doing what he had been wanting to do for the last several years. He gently lowered Chuck's hand, but when he took a step to walk away, Chuck's grip on his own hand tightened.

“Seriously?” Chuck let out a scoff. “We could be dead in the next couple of hours and you're not even going to…”

Raleigh tilted his head. “Going to what?”

Chuck scrunched up his face, rolling his eyes like Raleigh should already know, but they were soul mates, not telepathic. “Going to kiss me.”

Raleigh grinned, moving forward until he was close enough. He used his free hand to tilt Chuck's jaw and slotted their mouths together. When he thought the kiss might be getting out of hand, he pulled back, but Chuck ran his fingers through Raleigh's hair, tugging him back into place. When they did finally pull apart, Raleigh smiled. Chuck pulled Raleigh's hand up to his mouth, and he kissed Raleigh's wrist.

“Don't fuck up,” Chuck ordered, but he was smiling as he backed away.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

When soul mates died, the mark usually scabbed up and fell away, leaving the skin shiny and smooth.

When Mako first glanced down at Raleigh’s wrist after they closed the Breach, he had felt her sympathy, just like he felt her pain over the loss of Stacker. It was only a matter of time now before the name _Charles_ disappeared.

However, while Mako’s looks were filled with concern and genuine understanding, Raleigh couldn’t be so sure about everyone else’s. Plenty of people were there when Chuck showed Raleigh his soul mark. There might not have been the usual gathering around them considering the circumstances, but word spread.

The timeline of the disappearance of soul marks varied. Sometimes marks disappeared immediately or and sometimes they lingered for days. The random people who stared at him in the hallways and the mess hall seemed more like they wanted something to gossip over, to hem and haw and say how tragic it was that another pair of soul mates were torn apart way too fast.

The first thing people did now when they saw Raleigh was stare at his wrist. It felt like they were awaiting a countdown, like he would snap and have a mental breakdown any day now. It reminded him of Yancy’s death.

Most minded their own business. A lot of people lost soulmates because of the kaiju, especially those who worked right on the frontlines. Either way, having Chuck’s name exposed felt wrong, and he wrapped a piece of gauze around it as soon as he got dismissed from the medical wing to go back to his room.

It wasn’t until Tendo offered to cover for him that Raleigh decided to stay in his room until his soul mark faded away.

Back in Alaska, after Yancy had died, Raleigh had run away from the Shatterdome as soon as he was able. Without Yancy, nothing much mattered. Here though, Raleigh’s presence was important. Mako could probably find a new Jaeger copilot if the need ever arose again, but he couldn’t do that to her.

Raleigh might not have known Chuck all that well, but it seemed wrong that so many people were so interested in seeing the soul mark fade. Raleigh felt exposed and a little vulnerable, and if his face wasn’t so recognizable, he’d probably try running away. But as it was, he wasn’t sure how far he would get in Hong Kong. A lot of people spoke English, but his Cantonese was rusty and his Mandarin was shit, so instead he locked himself away in his room and curled up on his bed.

\---

As he lay in bed, Raleigh stared up at the ceiling.

Chuck hadn’t even directly said anything to him right before Striker Eureka blew up. Stacker had said a few words for Mako, and Chuck’s few words were obviously directed at Herc.

Then again, what would Chuck have said? _“Sorry we’re all about to die, great knowing you were my soul mate,”_ didn’t exactly hold the same ring.

It was better that Chuck didn’t say anything. This way Raleigh didn’t have to live off a bunch of regrets and possibilities that never would ever happen.

\---

When Raleigh was little, he used to wake up in the middle of the night and watch cartoons until five in the morning, which was when his dad woke up, and then he would crawl back in bed and try to sleep until it was time to get ready for school.

During the Jaeger program, Raleigh was wide awake as soon as the alarm went off. And then after Yancy died, Raleigh preferred staying awake instead of sleeping. Sleeping meant nightmares, and nightmares meant panic attacks for the rest of the day. After a few years of fucked up sleeping schedules and insomnia, Raleigh stopped trying.

Raleigh didn’t sleep much ever, but now he slept.

It was Chuck’s prerogative to not tell Raleigh they were soul mates until the very last second, but Raleigh would’ve liked more time. There really was never enough time. Not enough time with his mom, not enough time with Yancy, not enough time with his family still whole and happy.

After the third day of wearing a cuff, Raleigh took it off. The fabric scratched at his skin all the time, and instead of keeping his mind distracted, it drew his attention.

When Raleigh took the cuff off, he couldn’t help but stare at the soul mark. It wasn’t the same as when he was fifteen and so excited to find that he had a soul mate, but the ink was just as black, just as vibrant and bold against his skin.

He tried not to get too excited, especially after days of trying to mentally prepare for the day the tattoo would fade. Soul marks had been known to take days to disappear, and the choppers had been searching for any and all sorts of escape pods and Jaeger equipment to repurpose, so Raleigh didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up.

He walked slowly to Mako’s door, hoping he was doing the right thing when he showed her the mark. Mako froze in place as she stared, before whispering that they should tell Herc. Her voice wavered, as if she was trying not to get too hopeful herself, but it stayed steady for the most part.

But if Chuck was still alive, then maybe Stacker was too.

\---

It was more than a little terrifying telling Herc that Chuck might not actually be dead. Soul marks were so fickle. The thought that the mark might suddenly go away at any second haunted Raleigh. He tried not to stare at it, even though he was constantly touching it and covering it with the palm of his hand.

When the clean up crew finally recovered two pods two days later, Raleigh had to consider a few things. First, he figured he should find a computer to contact Jazmine. He hadn’t talked to his little sister in forever, and he knew the gossip probably already spread to her. She’d want to know about Raleigh’s soul mate straight from the horse’s mouth. And Raleigh wanted to know about her. She had a soul mark the last time they talked, but who knew what was the case now.

The second thing to consider was how long Chuck would be in isolation, and how good of a recovery Chuck and Stacker would make. Radiation poisoning definitely wasn’t good, but the Jaeger program had so many brilliant doctors and scientists. They were bound to come up with something. Maybe.

The third thing—and also his biggest concern despite falling below his other priorities—was if Chuck was one of those people who believed in staying with a soul mate once you found them, or if he only wanted to bond and move on like some people did. Society just put a lot of emphasis on bonding, which in reality was simply a bunch of sex disguised as a rite of passage.

However, some people didn’t bond and it wasn’t like it affected them. Plenty of people didn’t rely on finding their soul mate. They fell in love, got married, maybe had a family, and then years down the line found the person that matched the name on their wrist.

Some people got soul marks that matched names of people they met years earlier, as if they just hadn’t done enough maturing to be worthy of their soul mate during their first encounter.

To some people, soul marks only mattered a little bit. Raleigh, unfortunately, wasn’t one of those people.

\---

When Herc told Raleigh that Chuck had signed a form declaring only family members could visit him if ever was in the med wing, Raleigh’s heart sort of stopped. It froze, gave a few erratic beats, a skip here and there, and then went back to pumping. He’d never considered that his soul mate might not want to have a life with him.

As he gave the news, Herc stared at a point just to the left of Raleigh’s face. Chuck had signed the form a long time ago, and Herc said he would ignore it and let Raleigh go in, but then he wasn’t sure if he could make that call. Raleigh didn’t know either. But then again, Chuck was on a lot of medication anyways. He wouldn’t even be awake to see Raleigh.

Raleigh could only nod and agree. Instead Raleigh offered to watch Max while Herc stayed with Chuck, smiling softly and hinting that he never really did get to have a pet, not with the way his family traveled. He ended up babysitting Max for a week while Herc spent every free moment monitoring Chuck.

It wasn’t like there was much else Raleigh could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was tempted to title this fic "I lived bitch."

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this when I was feeling very angsty, so at first I wasn't planning a happy ending, but now I sort of need it. So this will be continued, of course.


End file.
